A Rebuttal to “Yes, Honey, The World Needs Men.”

Fun fact: I also write for Slippery Rock’s Odyssey page, so I’m often poking around on Odyssey to read what my fellow millennials think about things.

While roaming around Odyssey, I happened upon a hilarious article called “Yes, Honey, The World Needs Men And Here’s 7 Reasons Why.” The author of this article describes herself as “living the traditional life of a conservative woman,” and her first article is “I’m a Woman Who Supports Trump, Get Over It.” She even wrote about how unashamed she is to be submissive.

No, not the S&M kind of submissive, the 1 Timothy 2:11-12 kind of submissive.

Aside from sounding incredibly condescending and reading like it came straight from the 1950s, the article is just plain wrong. The author extols why men are so great, and how women are nothing without them.

Can’t be that bad, can it?

“This is for all the feminists who believe that we don’t need men to be successful.”

Wow, we’re off to a great start guys. Someone who gets the bare bones crux of feminism completely wrong.

Repeat after me: feminism does not equal hating men. 

Say it again: feminism does not equal hating men. 

One more time: feminism does not equal hating men.

Y’all are wrong. You wouldn’t even be here to speak your opinion if it wasn’t for a man. Sorry, honey.

And you wouldn’t have the right to vote for His Orange Holiness The Pussygrabber if it weren’t for… wait for it… women. Susan B. Anthony and her ilk were beaten and jailed for years so white women could vote (women of color got that right a few decades later.)

Lately, I have been seeing post after post about women wishing men would disappear and I haven’t appreciated it.

Where? Name one. Show me one example of a woman wishing men would disappear. Oh, that’s right! There aren’t any! Even The Huffington Post doesn’t post that absurdity.

Darling, no one ever said men weren’t necessary. They are necessary. They are absolutely necessary for procreation (though certainly not for pleasure… wink) and face it, they’re necessary for keeping life interesting. I’m a feminist and I still like having men around.

Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, my rebuttals to her seven ridiculous and insulting claims.

Re: They’re less emotional than women…

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You’re totally correct. Men are rational, logical and level-headed… until their team loses the Super Bowl.

In all seriousness, this line of thought is dangerously problematic, with terrifying consequences. Expecting men to hide emotions all the time and not to feel things, lest their masculinity be threatened, is horribly damaging. Studies show that men die by suicide 3.5 times more than women. Ever stopped to think about that? Maybe expecting them to be Mr. Macho Man who always thinks rationally and never cries is wrong.

And hey, even the famously stoic Spock cries!

Re: They can grow beards.

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“Ladies, have you seen how impressive that is?”

Yes, very impressive, sort of like how, you know, women can grow miniature human beings inside their abdomens.

Are you so anti-feminist that a woman bringing new life into the world is less impressive than a man sprouting stubble? Wow! You should probably see an optometrist soon, because it sounds like you have a serious case of myopia.

“I think beards are the most attractive attribute EVER.”

You actually raise a good point, there.

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I mean, look. Jake Gyllenhaal looks a bazillion times hotter with one!

Re: They can be so hardworking.

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“Honey, if you like those shoes…marry a hardworking man. You might be able to get them.”

You’re right, marrying for love is so overrated! Who cares about Mr. Right? If you marry Mr. Moneybags, you can buy those Jimmy Choos!

“Plus, a hardworking man shows that they know how to commit to something and work until it is finished.”

You know, sort of like women! You seriously don’t think stay-at-home moms are hardworking? They absolutely work hard! Yes, one of those awful liberal feminists you sneer at thinks (gasp!) a stay-at-home mom is a noble job.

Re: A conservative, Christian man can show us just what it’s like to have a traditional home.

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This one offended me so personally, I needed to get a drink of water and primal scream before organizing my thoughts.

“I know that it can be hard to let the man be the breadwinner for the family. Even then, it is still such an amazing lifestyle to have.”

Because screw bringing home money to pay the bills! Who needs that when your husband is a walking piggy bank? Right, ladies?

You mean to tell me that a man of any other religious or political persuasion can’t be a decent father and husband? Sit your butt down, Becky.

There are liberals that are devoted family men (hello, Barack Obama!) just like there are conservatives that are deadbeats (cough cough, Joe Walsh.) Christians can be horrible, abusive dads, the same way Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Pastafarians, etc. can be loving, doting dads.

Look, dear: I insist on marrying an atheist and raising my future children atheist.  Don’t you dare tell me we can’t have a “traditional” home. Whatever the heck that means.

Re: Men can provide in ways that as women, it would be hard.

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“There are career industries that men more than women excel at.”

Such as teaching high school English, apparently.

Re: Men love differently than women.

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“The way they put their hearts out and show passion for their women is exhilarating. Men can show a woman in two seconds how beautiful she is.”

Yeah, nothing sweeps me off my feet quite like a dick pic or a slapdash text message reading “ur hot :)” Seriously, what kind of fairy tale land are you living in where men put effort into loving their women? Don’t you understand that only happens in Hollywood movies?

But wait! I thought men were less emotional than women? How can you possibly expect men to shower their ladies with passionate love if you don’t like emotional men? You don’t want your man to break down when he sees you walk down the aisle in your wedding dress? Or when he meets his first child? You just shot yourself in the foot with that pretzel logic.

Re: Men are tough. They are simply tough.

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“Not all men are what I just described. I know that there will always be exceptions and I know that’s tough.”

WE GET IT. YOU ARE EXCLUSIVELY HETEROSEXUAL.

By “exceptions,” I hope you mean rapists and serial killers. But I’m going to go out on a limb here and say your “exceptions” are tattooed guys who drive Priuses.

“Women are good for men, and men good for women. I don’t believe we will ever have the chance to live in a world without men, sorry feminists.”

FEMINISM DOES NOT EQUAL HATING MEN!

Christ, I’m amazed that I still have all my brain cells in tact after reading that insanity.

But dear author, please, by all means, keep writing articles like this. Keep on writing about why liberals and atheists are the cause of all evil things, and the beauty of being a baby machine in the 21st century. I enjoy writing snarky rebuttals like this. It is cathartic. By the way, if you’re a Trump supporter, cathartic means “makes you feel better about stuff.”

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